Monday, 30 June 2014

Faire du pain perdu avec des baguettes de Viron qui coutent 4 euros.

Voila voila

Je suis sure qu'a peu près tous les Français qui vivent au Japon l'ont deja faite... Mais je ne résiste pas à l'envie.
C'est un onigiri (une portion de riz au poisson dans une feuille d'algue séchée, l'equivalent de notre sandwich baguette-jambon). Y'en a plein de trucs différents (thon, prunes...). Mais la, la nan.
(Je m'excuse).

Sunday, 29 June 2014


(English below)

Je vous fais la version française pour 2 tablettes de chocolat noir au sel de chez carrouf (sans petit lait).
Je veux bien traduire, mais ça demande de l’énergie. Je ne peux pas travailler sans énergie dans ma tête.
OUI, le département traduction de mon cerveau ne fonctionne qu'au chocolat noir, pas de chèque.

So yesterday started very well in a lovely museum (images to come - found at least 3 david stars pattern and ornaments!!!) until I realised 90% of the clothes sold in those massive malls in Tokyo I never really walked through before are MADE IN JAPAN.
Sound likes Japan has a massive textile industry. Also sounds like, if it's the case, I need to do my research. Big time. But that will happen after the 'oh my god I haven't shopped in 10 years I want to buy EVERY SINGLE THING'' moment.
I was totally in shock. I actually did the whole 8 floors of a Marui mall. It was like smoking and/or drinking for the first time. My head was spinning. Anyways, as my recent decision to stop dressing like a 14 year old boy and try to maintain a better appearance (don't ask me why, the quarter-life crisis or something) is getting on okay, I tried a few dresses.
So I go in, have to take my shoes off, and then the shop assistant reopens the curtain and apologises and gives me a tissue bag. I say thank you and clothes the curtain. I look at the thing, think for a good ten seconds, re-open the curtain and ask:
''I'm sorry, what is this? For? I? Don't understand?''
She tells me, ''Oh! This is fa-ee-sue-co-o-var''. 
I go, ''A face cover?!'' 
Then the connection happens in my brain, it's to not stain the clothes with your ton of foundation when you try the thing on. Right.
''Oh, thank's. Actually I am not wearing any make up'' half in Japanese, half in English, 80% with my hands and 12% with my facial expression (I know that's a total of 192%, but sometimes you feel the need to communicate and it overwhelms you, right?).
Her face... Her face when I said I wasn't wearing make up...
If I had told her 'Oh! But I'm not wearing any pants!' she would have had a less suprised face. I'm not even joking.

Friday, 27 June 2014


I'm not quite sure why, but I've open a twitter account.
I guess I was feeling lonely, and I missed making people laugh as I used to on Facebook (as in, I missed the realisation that other people also found funny the stuff I heard, which made me feel part of... the... world?). Not sure.

Before that I jumped and danced on some music with Roman, you know, to get the morning started, between telling him he won't be able to go swimming if he. doesn't eat. his. flipping. BREAKFAST. for. the. 10th. time.

Lately the days have been a lumpy mixture of four things: trying to get as much done for my boss (keeping the place as tidy as I can which isn't easy for an untidy person, washing the dishes about ten times a day, folding clothes, making sure the pets aren't starving, adding meat and dairy protein to the dinner to please everyone), doing all I can for the kids (cooking food they will actually eat, driving the car in a responsible way, brushing up their musical education with James Brown and Michael Jackson, smelling their feet between the shower and the bath to make sure they don't stink, explaining why you have to clean your hands before eating - in Japanese it ain't easy lemme tell ya'all-, swallow my tongue and not say anything when another adult tell them they don't need to wear their seatbelt or wear it in a way that will be totally useless if we crash, carry them on my back making airplanes sounds, giving them french quizzes in the bath), try to keep up with my stuff to be a balanced and content human being ah ha (finishing an illustration, which takes me weeks, studying a little Japanese on my own when I have enough brain energy which is not often, going for a walk or a run with the stinky dog - ok that hasn't happened lately -, thinking about what I should do with my life giving the fact I am young and have strictly no career plan and will not set foot in a University ever again, deciding on weather is should or should't stress about the latter, making some music, telling myself I am not fat, finishing reading my books, like the five I am reading at the same time, thinking about where to restart Giving Peace Faces, keeping sending letters), and trying to not fall asleep at the wrong moments as I am happily swinging between hypersomnia and needing naps every day and at least nine hours of sleep at night and surprise-hey-hey-guess-who-insomnia at least a few good times a month with no apparent reasons, which makes for a very sleepy person at some point between 2 and 6pm.
Wow that was a very long sentence.

 How about a picture of food to lighten this up.

Wednesday, 25 June 2014


Career Plan.

Jim- Qu'est ce que tu veux être quand tu seras grand Roman?
Roman (quatre ans, sans hesitation aucune) - UN ENORME DINOSAURE ROUGE!
Jim- ...Bonne idée.

Jim- What would you like to become when you're older, Roman?
Roman (four years old, without hesitating) - A massive red dinosaur!!!
Jim- ... Fair enough.

Friday, 20 June 2014

For Ginny and Dvora

Here are the brave plants I bought. I will do my best not to kill them too fast.
On the left is 'Super Mint' (don't ask, I do not know why it is 'super') and Orange Mint. They also had Apple Mint.

My new reading place. 

Orange Hibiscus.
Tu sais que t'es la fille de ton père quand:
You know you are your dad's daughter when:

-Tu t'entends dire tout haut 'Hmmmmm, il est aimable comme une poignée de porte' quand tu croises un gars qui répond pas quand tu lui dit bonjour.
-You hear yourself say at loud ' Jee... He's as friendly as a door handle' when the guy you just said hello to didn't bother answering you.

-Tu t'exclames 'Oh la la... On est tombé sur un extrémiste... Mais avvannnnceeee bordeeelllll' quand la voiture de devant roule a 30, et que toi tu roules à 80.
-You go 'Oh my... an extremist... Fu*king mooooovvvveee..' when the car in front of yours is driving at 20 miles an hour and you 45.

Thursday, 19 June 2014

Bon aller.

  • J'ai fait tomber les clefs de voitures en tirant la chasse d'eau. Malgré des jurons epicés en cinq langues pendant les dix secondes qui suivirent et des prières aux dieux et demons des WC pour que les clefs soient trop lourdes pour être emportées, elles doivent maintenant se trouver dans des contrées inconnues. Ca va me couter une blinde. Genre le prix d'un tatouage. C'est une clef électronique. Duh. 
  • J'ai acheté plein de fleurs, meme des Hibiscus, et des pots, et ca va mieux. C'est tout fleuris. Le balcon est devenue ville fleurie de France 2014.
  • Keitaro san m'a demandé comment on dit quo-taux-dé-vahure.
    -African country. Cop tot def ouare.
    -Ahhh... Tu veux dire Cote d'Ivoire?
    -Ah! Cautou D'efaire!
    -Nan. COTE D'IVOIRE. Ivory Coast. Cote d'Ivoire.  (Oui, j'ai un diplôme de traduction tu vois, c'est un metier (AH HHHAAA).)
  • J'ai réussi pour la premiere fois au Japon a lire une phrase tout en kanji (bah attends, tu crois pas que j'vais réussir a lire une phrase en Kanji et pas me la peter un minimum). C'est a dire que y'avait personne chez le concessionnaire, et donc à 55% je me suis souvenue des Kanjis 'Mercredi’ (水曜日)ainsi que de 'vacance/congé' (休み) et à 45% j'ai utilisé le département raisonnement-par-deduction-observation-et-elimination de mon cerveau.

Bon aller.

Monday, 9 June 2014

Muffins and Recording (Francais Anglais).

Bon comme c'est la saison des pluies, j'suis a fond dans les gateaux.
Je marche plus, je fais des muffins, ca me va bien.

Now it's rainy season. My baking and cake consumption is clearly following the curve indicating the number of rainy days.


Aujourd'hui c'était muffin-citron-blueberrie-framboise-canelle-noix-carrottes-graines-de-tournesol-avoine.
Bah, c'est super bon. J'en ai gouté cinq, pour être bien sur que vraiment ils étaient cuits correctement (ils ne l'étaient pas, tant pis) (j'ai dit que j'aimais bien faire les gateaux, pas que je les faisais bien).

Today's muffin is lemon-carrot-blueberry-rasberry-cinnamon-walnut-seeds-oat muffin. Well, they're yummy if I may say so myself. I tasted five in a row, just to make sure they were cooked through the middle (which they were not but hey, who ever said I was good at cake? I like doing them, it ain't the same thing...).

Sinon, mon micro H1 Zoom l'est malade. Il fait des vieux bruits quand j'enregistre. Alors ni une ni deux, j'ai appelé Zoom Japon.

Mr Zoom (en Japonais)- Zoom Japon merci s'il vous plait?
Moi (en Japonais)- Bonjour merci pardon merci bonjour, parlez vous Anglais a tout hasard s'il vous plait?
Mr Zoom- Oui! Bien sur! (Comme si ca coulait de source - du genre les japonais parlent l'anglais en general, ha, la bonne blague - j'ai du tomber sur un rigolo des le matin).
Moi- Bonjour merci bonjouuuur. Dites, j'ai acheté un micro H1 tout neuf tout beau en Fevrier, v'la ti pas qu'il déconne a fond, il fait 'toc toc toc' en bruit de fond quand j'enregistre - et oui j'ai testé plusieurs endroits et plusieurs qualité d'enregistrement, meme je vous ai envoyé un exemple.
Mr Zoom- Ah!!! Merci d'accord merci, et bien... je pense que vous avez du mettre en route le metronome? (En fait, il avait mangé un clown ce matin la)
Moi- ... Y'a pas... de metronome... sur le H1..., monsieur Zoom... ( *pense* sois tu me prend pour une grosse débile, sois toi t'es un gros débile).

In other news, my Zoom mic is totally broken - it makes a beating sound when I record stuff. So I called Zoom Japan. Yes. I'm like that.

Mr Zoom (in Japanese)- Zoom Japan may I help you?
Moi (in Japanese)- Hello, good morning hello excuse me thank you excuse me hello, do you happen to speak English please excuse me?
Mr Zoom- Yes! Of course! (his 'of course' was a joke, I guess, cause Japanese people don't usually speak English, so he must have been a guy full of humour early morning).
Moi- Ok great. I bought a h1 mic recorder in February. It's now making some beating sound as I record - I tested it in different settings and it doesn't change the problem.
Mr Zoom- Ah! I see. Well, I think Misses, you must have put the metronome on! (ok, he was just a guy who likes jokes).
Moi-... Huh... there's kind of no metronome... on the h1 model... (*thinking* are you taking me for a complete idiot, or are YOU a complete idiot?)

Friday, 6 June 2014

Top of the top (Illustration)

hors contexte

Boss- Rains a bit, doesn't it..
Me- Is this your idea of a euphemism? It's been raining cats and dogs non stop for 30 hours.
Boss- Yes Fang, it's called the rainy season.
Me- What? Isn't that in August?
Boss- No... it's in June...
Me- Really?
Boss- Yes. It's been in June for a very long time now.

Patron: Il pleut un peu, hein...?
Moi: Heu? C'est ton idée d'un euphémisme? Il pleut comme une vache qui pisse depuis bientôt trente heures sans interruption.
Patron: Oui... ca s'appelle la saison des pluies Fang.
Moi: Hein? Bah c'est pas en Aout?
Patron: Non, c'est en Juin.
Moi: T'es sur??? Sur sur?
Patron: Oui. Ca fait un petit bout de temps que la saison des pluies, c'est en Juin.

Thursday, 5 June 2014

FUJIKYU ! Francais/English

Cafeina Crew at Fuji-Kyu!

The Japanese don't mess around with their roller coasters. We went on three (or was it four?) world guiness record roller coasters.
My jaw hurts from screaming. It. Was. Awesome.
People: don't take drugs - this is as effective and way cheaper.  I mean, I think. As I never took drugs.

We all went as the Cafeina crew - the bosses, their son, the chef, Maya and I.
I don't know where I would be if I hadn't found this place and asked for a job.
It has become my place of work, my place of study/reading/drawing/dreaming on my days off, my practical language school, my social-human-being-contact fix. Man, does everybody take their staff for a day out in an entertainment park? Just like that? And then drop on the way between the japanese misty mountains for an unplanned delicious dinner? Or am I just super-duper lucky?

It was very misty, and despite a hell of a lot of wishful thinking we didn't see Fuji-San...
It was only my first time, but Maya-chan went already four times in the area to catch a sight of him and was
disappointed a fourth time...
But that was only until we left, exhausted from trying to not let our heart move into our mouth on the rides... then it appeared!!! Fair enough, you have to squeeze your eyes and maybe adjust the lighting of your screen but believe you me: it's there on the picture!!!

Les Japonais ne rigolent pas avec les montagnes russes. On est monté dans trois (ou quatre?) attractions qui ont leur propre certificat World Guiness Record. My mâchoire me fait mal ce matin. Ca doit être a force de crier hier. 
Les mecs, arrêtez la drogue. Franchement ça marche aussi bien et c'est moins cher.
'Fin j'pense, hein. J'ai jamais pris de drogue.

On a sauté dans la voiture a 5.30 du matin, et hop, direction la prefecture de Yamanashi (qui veut dire Sans Montagnes, alors que y'a plein de montagnes, bienvenue au Japon). Je ne sais pas ou je serais aujourd'hui si j'avais pas poussé la porte de Cafeina et demandé si je pouvais travailler la s'il vous plait vraiment s'il vous plait je ferais tout ce que vous voulez, merciiiii. C'est devenue mon école pratique de langue, mon bureau de lecture/dessin/reflechissement en semaine, mon lieu de travail le week-end, ma pilule de contacts-sociaux-minimum par semaine... Est-ce que je suis juste super chanceuse ou tout le monde prend son staff pour aller jouer dans un parc d'attraction leur seul jour off? Juste comme ca, pour le fun (et peut-être aussi pour être gentil)? 

Y'avait beaucoup de nuages et de brouillard hier, et donc Fuji-San, a son habitude, ne s'est pas montré de la journée... Bon, pour moi c'était que la premiere fois, mais pour Maya c'était la quatrième. Quatre fois qu'elle pointe son nez dans la region pour le voir et qu'il ne se montre pas.
Mais ca, c'était avant qu'on quitte le parc, épuisés d'avoir tenté de garder notre coeur la ou il faut et pas dans notre bouche... et la, en sortant, POUF! Fuji San! Bon d'accord, il faut plisser un peu des yeux et peux être bouger l'écran d'ordi, mais il est bien la sur la photo!!!

Je pense que la seule légende appropriée pour cette image est ' Gnih??? Quoi?'
I think the only appropriate words for this picture is WHAT THE HELL?

 Gaspard et Lisa c'est la fete du slip de la reussite commerciale au Japon...
 oui oui c'est une mini ville parisienne a leur gloire... J'm'en fous j'connais pas mais j'ai trouvé une baguette mangeable. Merci Hachette.

Des énormes chats dorés on sait pas pourquoi!!! Ouaiiii! Léa toi aussi, ouaiiiii!

My favourite image of the day. (Queuing for this, have a look)
Ma photo préférée de ce jour. (Dans la queue pour ca, vas y vas regarder)

 Mais siiii mais siii, regarde bien, avec tes lunettes, tu le vois?
Look look, no really reallyyyy look- can you see it?

Simea  +  Beer  =   ^_______^ HAPPY Simea!

We stopped on the way, about 30 minutes from our town, in Saku. It was like being back in a mini Tokyo, with 100yen shop, malls open at night, massive book stores, it was like being anywhere in a mall I guess, they are the same in Tel Aviv, in the middle of Japan or in Paris... But I am not going to be a liar, I went to the 100 yen shop and bought loads of stuff needed for the house and to send friends abroad and it felt a little dirty, but only a little. It also felt nice.
And then I realised why. Where I live, there is stricly no night life - and I learned while talking with Keitaro san (driving below), that this is a law. They want to keep it that way for the very rich people that come twice a year in their holiday houses.
Karuizawa at night, it's as empty as tchernobyl man. So that's why it felt nice to see neon signs and people out in the dark.
There was also something really interesting about the tiny independent DELICIOUS place we ate dinner in, AT the massive mall... but I am too tired to develop this now, and I really need to take a shower before people accuse ME of causing the lack of night life.

Merci Cafeina!
カフェイナ ありがとうございました!

Sunday, 1 June 2014

eating again!

JE PEUX REMANGER !!! Apres une semaine! Youpi!
I CAN EAT I CAN EAT I CAN EAT AGAIN !!! After one week without food!

Merci/ Thank you:

Cafeina Staff
all the people who worried and were nice to me (there's too many to name them but you know who you are)
Francoise Sagan
the Nagano prefecture mountains
Radio Nova
water melon
the sun
japanese language

I'm gonna cook and bake and make smoothie and be healthy and good until I die. For sure.